My Own
by Luv2write4u13
Summary: After the birth of JT and Liberty's baby boy Manny and Craig think about their history, future, and the child of theirs that they lost.
1. Chapter 1

As tears glistened in her eyes Manny took a deep breath and looked down at the tiny little boy that she was holding close to her heart. His eyes were closed and his tiny hand clutched her index finger possessively. She forced a smile and then looked up at her good friend Liberty. She had fallen asleep immediately from exhaustion after her son had been born after holding him for about ten minutes.

She didn't know why she wasn't tired. After all it was going on four in the morning and she had been at the hospital since six the evening without any sleep. However this tiny creature, her friend's newborn son, was definitely was more amusing then her homework for Miss Kwan's class. She probably was just going to skip a couple of hours so that she could spend more time holding the little boy.

_My baby would be a year old right now._

Why did she have to think about that? Would that always happen every time she held a newborn baby? She had made a mistake, and that was the best thing she could do to keep from ruining her life. She had so many dreams and having a baby so early would've ruined her. She was only fourteen years old when it happened. She didn't know what to do and her mother had backed her up completely. They were a strong Catholic family and if abortions were that bad than she would've just sent her back with her cousin Mary.

_What about Craig?_

He said that they were going to be a family and that they were going to be together, but he went back to Ashley as soon as she decided she would take him. In a way she was fortunate that she wasn't going to be stuck raising a baby for eighteen years with a minimum wage. She also couldn't help but be a little bit happy when she found out that Ashley was staying in London. She bet he was happy about Pete's little "video." It proved that she was a whore. He probably never said it, but he was probably always thinking about it. It made him feel good to know that he had done the right thing for going to back Ashley.

All she did was hope that he understood what she had done. Liberty and JT's life was never going to be the same again. They had to share the responsibility of having a child for the rest of their lives, whether they stay together or not. After that kid grows up grandkids will come next and so on. Liberty and JT were going to do something special, but now they had to put all of their dreams on hold. By the time they're able to do something again they will feel like it's too late.

She did give her and Craig a chance at life, and every time she felt guilty she'd think about that. Of course she was starting to think about it less and less. It was like a nightmare or something that seemed like it happened, but she wasn't too sure. It hasn't stopped guys from being attracted to her, but having a kid probably would. There weren't many guys who'd take care of another man's baby. Guys were babies themselves.

_What if?_

She couldn't stop wondering what if. What if she did have that baby? Would her life really be as bad as she was imagining? Who would the baby look like? How would the baby act? Babysitting Jack was just a one-time thing. Babies could sense whether they were with their mother or not. If he were really with his Momma then he wouldn't have felt so bad. Her own baby probably would've immediately stopped crying when she walked into a room.

Maybe it wouldn't matter if Craig were still in her and the baby's life or not. Spike had survived without Shane, or any kind of man, until Emma was about fourteen years old. As time went by and Emma got older things did get easier. A lot of women survived without men, and some didn't even have to apply for welfare. There were schools that had daycares so she could've finished and then gone off to college. Spike was going to school up until Emma was born, in fact she went into labor at the dance, and then she started school the same time as her class did again.

_How do you stop a baby from crying?_

Soon the little boy's face began to turn red and he started squirming and whimpering. Manny's heart began to beat faster and she glanced up at Liberty. She was practically dead to the world. She didn't want him to start crying, she didn't know what to do. This was basically the most time she spent with _any_ baby after terminating her pregnancy. "Where is your Dad?" she asked him as if he could respond.

Finally the baby's whimpers turned into loud cries as if he was begging for someone to take him from this girl that he didn't even know. Manny tried rocking him a little bit so that he would fall back asleep and that didn't work. There weren't any bottles around because Liberty decided that she was going to breastfeed her son.

Soon Manny began to sing him a lullaby to calm him down. _"Rock-a-bye, don't you cry. Go to sleep a little baby." _The sound of her refreshing voice turned his cries back into whimpers until he fell back asleep. He probably just had a nightmare. She smiled at her quick maternal skills, wondering if something as simple lullaby would've calmed her own baby down.

She hated thinking about babies, and yet she was so mesmerized by them. She remembered the moment she had asked Craig if he had wore a condom when they had sex. He had said that when she said it was okay that she was saying she was on the pill. She was just trying to calm him down. Then he just got up and walked off. After that she didn't know what she was going to do. She was so confused. After all, she had just started high school and she was only fourteen.

He surprised her at school, talking about how happy he was that she was pregnant and that he was going to be a dad. He kept saying that they were going to be a family and although it sort of surprised her it did make her happy. Everything felt so good. He had even bought a baby name book so that they could look through names.

_It was like suffering from taste aversion._

Things went from sunlight to darkness when Ashley approached the table. The way she announced it to everyone in the cafeteria was sickening, and it made Manny think even harder about her choice. She ran out of the school and was ever so thankful for running into Spike. She was the only person that Manny could talk to who knew how it felt to be in her shoes. Spike wasn't going to be judgmental because Spike was about Manny's age when Emma was conceived. Spike was the one who convinced Manny that this decision wasn't about anyone but herself. She couldn't rely on Craig because he was a guy, and it was easy for guys to deny a baby.

_I barely felt a thing._

Most of the pain that Manny was experiencing was because of her own conscience. She hadn't really given Craig a choice. She knew that she could've given the baby up for adoption, but walking around the halls of school pregnant wasn't something that would've felt really good either. It wasn't like experiencing that hadn't changed her. She was definitely a little more withdrawn from guys for a while, and when the topic was brought up it hurt her. Emma was supposed to be her best friend, but she practically threw it up in her face every time Manny said something to her.

And then the breakup with JT. Did he really think she didn't like him because of the size of his penis? Did he really think she was like that? That made it just seem like going out with Manny made him think about sex. He knew that she had an abortion, so why would he even think sex or something so trivial as the size of his penis really mattered to her? She wasn't going to be sleeping with him, or anyone else for that matter. That whole situation made it positive that he was too immature, and that was why she dumped him.

_Of course I wouldn't be that mature if I hadn't had to grow up so fast. If I hadn't had to handle my own._

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**I hope you guys liked it. It really didn't turn out as good as I expected it to be, but I guess it's okay. Tune in for the next chapter. I think I'll do three chapters of this story before ending it. Thanks so much for reading a please review.**


	2. Chapter 2

_Was that Manny?_

Craig didn't know how he had wound up at the hospital to see JT and Liberty's baby. He really wasn't close to either of them and they all had barely exchanged words except for at Spike and Snake's wedding and the stripper and everything. He did have that one awkward moment when in the locker room his towel fell down and…yeah.

He knew this was Liberty's room and that girl walking out had to be Manny. At least now he had an excuse to be there. He could say that he was comforting her because he knew that this was a very emotional moment for both of them. In fact it seemed like she had been crying as she fled from that room. Liberty was probably holding the baby and smiling, or maybe JT had walked in or something. He definitely didn't want to ruin that moment.

_Why am I even here?_

Maybe it was just because he was curious. If he had his way he would be a teenage father too, at least that what he thought two years ago when he found out Manny was pregnant. At first he thought that she had done the worst thing she could've ever done. Now it just seemed like she was young and almost had no choice. He and everyone around the school know that her father had kicked her out. What would he have done if he found out she was pregnant? Then he knew she probably couldn't move in with him and Joey, seeing that they already had enough on their hands. She would feel like she had nowhere to go.

It seemed like every time Manny was doing something good she had to go and screw things up. She was in that movie and then she expected to be this big actress with an agent and lots of money. She went to that party, got junk, and then got herself a little video. She was kicked off of the Spirit Squad, thanks to one of her friends Chante. She almost lost Emma although Craig knew that something more was up. When he first saw the video he knew that she didn't want that to happen. No matter what Manny had always been a good person, especially when it came to him. He was one of the guys who ruined her, and crushed her self-esteem big time.

He knew that it all wasn't his fault. He had a lot going on in his life, and everything with Manny was just so tempting. Everything had been so _fun_. With Ashley everything had been so serious and musical. She was never that silly and she almost never spoke of her dreams. All he had to do was choose one at that moment that Manny had asked and then chances were that he would have someone. Now he was alone.

Of course if he had chosen Ashley they still probably would've broken up after Manny revealed that she was pregnant. After all, they had sex long before, the night of Paige's birthday party. No matter what people said, he hadn't cheated on Ashley that night. He thought that they had broken up for good. She had said that he had conned her, and that he didn't love her when he did. Then Manny ran after him and made everything feel better. She had been like a mother who was giving her child a Band-Aid. She did the right things and said the right things, and then everything happened. He thought that she was on birth control. She was telling him that it was okay to go on.

Nine weeks later they were back together. Manny only had seven more months to go and then he would've been a father. In only three more months they would've knew what they were having. He was so excited about it, but he knew that if Joey heard him talking he would've realized that maybe Craig was bipolar. He was lucky that Joey didn't have to find out about it, although Snake probably knew about everything that had happened, seeing he _was_ a teacher there.

At this moment he felt like Manny had done the right thing with the abortion, although she probably was going to feel guilty for the rest of her life. She was always going to remember that baby that she lost, that she had terminated. She always had to remember how it felt to be lying on that hospital bed. She had given them both chances at life though. Craig had to admit that if it weren't for her, he never would've done a lot of the things that he did. That they both accomplished. She never would've starred in that movie with Kevin Smith, and he never would've gotten close to Ellie. She probably never would've gone out with JT and Spinner, and he wouldn't have gotten that chance to record demo. Of course he had to ruin that because he was so afraid of hurting Ash's feelings. Then he knew that he would've hated himself if he had given the child bipolar, seeing that it can be genetic.

_Ashley helped cause us this pain._

Manny ran out of the cafeteria after Ashley made her sickening announcement. In a way it was Ashley's fault they Manny had an abortion. She needed more time. She needed to be able to sort things out in her head, how she was going to manage. She realized too quickly that she wouldn't feel comfortable with everyone knowing that she was pregnant, and seeing her with her stomach out. Maybe if she had been given some more time it would've been too late for her to have an abortion. She would've had to have the baby, and she might've at least given it up for adoption. An open adoption would've been good. They both would've had a chance to see their baby.

It didn't stop Craig from loving Ashley though. He was still crazy about her. He wrote that song for her that earned him some cool points. He ran out of that recording studio for her, and that almost ruined his friendship with Marco and Spinner. Of course it was all about her. When he proposed to her she said no, and then yes (at least in his eyes), and then changed her mind about that. Then she had to go away to London and do what he figured she would do. He didn't want her to leave because he knew that she was going to meet another guy. Well she did, and everyone knew about it except for him. Even Spinner did, and they weren't friends. Although Spinner did work to get them that spot for his party. At least he was there, and Ashley wasn't.

_Someone's coming._

Craig could hear the footsteps coming from the nursery area where all of the other babies had been. He was still standing in the same spot when he had stopped and saw Manny leave the room. He knew that it was Manny. He was never going to forget that short hairstyle. A lot of girls changed their hair after they broke up with someone. Manny had broken up with Spinner before summer was over.

Emma had developed a crush on that Peter guy. That was the kid that had recorded Manny.

_"You can sell this for a million bucks because I am gonna be famous."_

He couldn't be thinking about Manny. Getting back with her would only lead to trouble. Besides, it looked like he was going to have a relationship with Ellie. They were getting so much closer. She was even the drummer in his band. Ashley not only hurt him, but staying in London left Ellie best friendless. She hadn't had Paige and Hazel as much as she thought she did. He couldn't just push her feelings aside so that he could be with someone he didn't want, and who didn't want him. They already that their moment.

"Craig?"

_Looking up he was staring directly into her eyes. She was surprised to see him. Even she knew that he had no reason to be there._


	3. Sweet Finale

"Manny, I um…"

"What are you doing here?" she asked him. Her tone of voice sounded like she wanted it to be stronger then it was, but she came off as very vulnerable. They were feet away from each other, but then they seemed so close. The hospital faded from their minds and all they saw were each other. Craig Manning and Manny Santos. They held so many firsts together. They had their first real slow dance, their first date, they lost their virginity to one another, and they would've had their first child together if fate had called for it. Of course that was what everything was about, their unborn child.

Craig thought for a moment. Once again his mind went blank. He didn't know why he was there. Maybe he did really come to comfort Manny. Somehow in his subconscious mind he knew that he had to see her.

"To see um…you and…"

Manny closed her eyes and took a deep breath before opening them back up. Now she was realizing how tired she was. School had ended about forty-five minutes ago and she hadn't gotten any sleep during that time. JT had left for a while to get her and Liberty some McDonalds before he came back. Manny had taken hers to the cafeteria so that the new parents could spend some time alone and then she had stopped by the nursery to glance at the babies longingly. Then her eyes watered once again and she started to cry. She was going to run back into the birthing suite to get her purse and jacket and then she was going to go home. Well, it wasn't really _her_ home. She was basically seeking refuge with the Nelson/Simpson household.

"I was about to leave," she said, "but I'm sure you can come in to see the baby."

Finally Craig managed to say more than a few words. "I didn't come to see…the baby. I guess I came to see you and to see how…you were holding up."

"I'm holding up just fine," Manny replied stubbornly, turning her head so that she wouldn't be looking at him again. She couldn't bear looking at his face. He had caused her so much pain. Even amnesia wasn't going to help her forget about him. She couldn't stop thinking about everything, and then when he said that being her was a mistake she really felt like crumbling. She hated him so much, and then he had the nerve to show up _here_. These were _her_ friends. She didn't need him anymore.

"You can't push me away this time," Craig told her. "I know that you feel horrible right now. I can already tell that you were crying."

"It doesn't matter," Manny said, "because we can't go back in time. Of course, even if we could I wouldn't."

"I know you don't regret what you did. I mean I know you don't regret having the… abortion. You made what you feel were the right decision. I would've loved to be in the child's life, but I mean if your dad kicked you out now—"

"Why can't you mind your own business?" Manny asked him.

"I'm just…I don't know. I guess I still care about you."

"Everyone at that stupid school is just so…ugh. They are so nosy and they use gossip to entertain themselves. That is so shallow, and I used to think you were above that. I bet you just loved hearing about how my life has just been crashing down huh? You were so glad that you got rid of me before it ruined your reputation too."

Craig didn't say anything in response. He hated it when everyone talked about her. He hated it when Jimmy told him to check his email only to see _Degrassi Girls Gone Wild, _starring Manny Santos. He almost couldn't watch it, but hey, he was a guy. All guys were perves and just a little bit curious. It wasn't as if he was seeing anything new.

Finally Manny started walking towards Liberty's room so that she could get going. She didn't understand why Emma had decided on not coming. It was just so weird how when everyone had good things going for them, they had to screw it all up. Manny had the movie, but she had to make her own. Paige's life would've been considered perfect if it existed, but she had to screw with weed. Liberty could've been the first female president, but she had to get knocked up. Maybe there was a curse of some kind going on. It seemed like people were using their lives for their own entertainment. They were writing the scripts and showing it on TV all over the world. It was something to think about, but of course it wasn't possible. Haha, that's what you think (-:

Of course as she passed him he grabbed her arm. "Stop walking away from me," he demanded.

Manny stopped and he released her arm before she turned to him. "Why do you even want to be around me right now? Don't you have other places to be? Go hang out with your friends in your garage or something. Practice with your band. Hook up with another random girl, but please just leave me alone." At first she sounded angry and pissed, but suddenly it seemed like she was pleading with him to stay away from her.

"Manny, I just want to help you feel better. You used to always comfort me, but when I had my opportunity I just turned my back on you."

Manny looked up and stared at him. She was searching for something. She was trying to make sure that he was being sincere and not just toying with her. She wouldn't be able to take it if he was. So many people no longer cared for her. Her own father practically hated her and her mother was probably disappointed. She didn't want them to be ashamed of her. She had done so many things to try and make them proud, but sometimes she had to put herself first.

Finally she found what she was looking for and she just broke down and cried. "My life…something just happened to it."

Craig's eyes widened as she wrapped her arms around him and sobbed into her chest. This was just what he wanted, but now he didn't know how to react. Should he just let her cry? Should he talk to her?

Manny couldn't believe that she was crying. Was it because her life was now in shambles or was it because she was envious of JT and Liberty and their newfound joy? She felt like a mess, but her tears were making her feel better. At least she wasn't cutting herself, throwing up, or doing drugs. Crying wasn't causing her any harm.

_But being with Craig was._

Manny dried her eyes. "I really have to go. Emma and everyone wanted me to bring them the news and everything so I really have to go."

"Manny please—"

"Craig…"

"Don't go. Not yet anyway. I want to talk to you and to…apologize to you."

"Apologize for what?"

"Last year. I really have to. Last year I had said that I wished two years ago didn't happen and all of that. I didn't mean it like how it sounded. Manny, you're really great and you're a great person. I was just saying that I wish I could've spared us our pain. I'm being honest when I say this too. I really was going to choose you."

Then Craig turned to walk away. Manny kept her eyes on him and she was speechless. Craig always knew exactly what to say and how to say it. He had always been so special to her, but when the time called for it, she was able to harden her heart against him. She never gave him the chance to win her back, as if he had ever wanted to. She couldn't understand why Ashley had done him so wrong. She couldn't understand why Ashley had decided to break his heart and to stay in Europe. It was rumored that she had met another guy, and that was what Manny had chose to believe, but she knew that almost everyone at Degrassi fed on rumors and that was what kept them going. She didn't want to live like that.

Meanwhile Craig had made a stop at the nursery and he was looking at the babies. Most of them were asleep, although there were about three of them that were screaming their eyes out. One of the nurses was rocking a set of twins as if they were hers. All of them were wearing caps of either pink or blue, with matching booties. There definitely had been a lot of babies born because he knew that there were even more in rooms with their parents, such as JT and Liberty's baby boy that he still hadn't seen.

Somehow the thought of Ashley managed to pop into his head. He had convinced Ellie to let him read the email that Ashley had sent her announcing her plans to stay in Europe. He had felt like lifting the computer and smashing it to the wall, but he didn't want to prove Ashley right. She had been so afraid that he was going to have an "episode" so he regained his composure. He really wanted to meet that Alistair guy and tell him something. He had no right to steal his girlfriend. He had brainwashed Ashley into thinking that she wanted to stay in London and helped her forget all about her crazy boyfriend in Toronto. This wasn't Ashley's fault. Ashley was faithful and perfect. She was an angel on earth.

Or at least that's what he used to think. Now he didn't even know who his old girlfriend was. His old girlfriend never would've given up on him as soon as she did. Ashley had really loved him. Nothing like being bipolar and having to take medication was going to stop them from being together. She had really pulled out his heart and flushed it down the toilet. He regretted fighting for her parent's approval. He regretted sleeping with her and proposing to her only to be rejected. She had caused him as much pain as he had caused her.

Craig almost jumped when he felt someone's hand touch him, but then he looked and saw Manny standing next to him. He took a deep breath and stared at the babies in the nursery. "It's not good to sneak up on people like that."

_How cheesy. You are such a loser Craig Manning._

"It was really nice of you to…you know, come and all. Thanks for apologizing too. It really made a lot of things easier for me," she said. She pushed a loose strand of brown hair behind her ear.

Craig nodded. "I just keep remembering how you had ran off and—"

"If I could I would run from a lot of things," she told him.

"Yeah, me too."

Manny slowly nodded. "You have a lot of memories here don't you?"

"What?"

"You know, with your dad working at the hospital and then when Jimmy was here."

"Yeah and there's even another one."

"Oh," she said, not even thinking about what he had just said.

"That's why Ash left me. She wanted to get away from me and my 'illness.'"

"What?" Manny asked, looking at him.

"I found out I was bipolar at the end of summer. When I had went missing was because Ashley had left and I stopped taking my meds. No big deal."

"It's not a good reason to leave someone," Manny replied. "That was so cold. Did she say that was why she left?"

"She implied it."

Manny nodded, and bit her bottom lip. "I guess we're both screw ups then, huh? I wonder what our kid would've been like if we had it."

"Probably a mess," Craig said.

"If it was a girl it probably would've looked like her," Manny said, pointing at a baby wrapped in a pink blanket that was crying so muchthat herface had red blotches. It looked the closest to both of them with a lot of curly dark brown hair and a lighter version of Manny's complexion.

"She does look sort of like us, huh?" Craig asked.

Manny nodded and smiled. "She looks so much like us I feel like I'm in a dream. This doesn't even feel real. I never would've imagined I would be standing with you looking in the nursery and picking out our baby. What's next? Wedding announcements?"

She hadn't meant for it to roll off her tongue so casually so when it did she brought her hand to her mouth and covered it. Craig looked at her with a surprised look on his face too.

"It was just a…joke," Manny said. "That was not a fantasy or anything. I just said it and I shouldn't play like that. I wasn't thinking."

"It's okay. Sometimes I do that too."

"What?"

"You know…say stuff without thinking and you wind up with your foot in your mouth. Trust me, I am a pro."

Feeling comfortable Manny sighed. She was slowly making her way back into his web without even realizing it, but she even if she noticed she wouldn't care.

_R&R_


End file.
